Posts from — November 2008

Two small words, one amazing step for M.

M is not the most empathetic little girl.  If you’re hurting, she doesn’t usually show concern.  If she’s hurt you, she never apologizes unless she’s made to.

Tonight, after dinner, we told them to either play outside or in their rooms.  They headed off to their rooms, but apparently didn’t make a direct trip.  Next thing we know, L is sobbing.  Hard.  We’ve learned to not rush in and rescue, so we waited to see what would happen next.  After a few minutes, he calmed down, and we heard M come out of her room, go into L’s, and say “I’m sorry L”.

Our jaws literally dropped.  My eyes teared up.  And then to top it off, we heard her say “Are you okay?”.

Color us stunned.  What makes it especially amazing is that she was apologizing and showing concern for her brother, who she’s usually busy trying to set off.

These are the moments you live for.

Yes, its the totally predictable, yet still relevant, seasonal post!

I am thankfor for:

• An adoption agency that provided us with solid training and resources.
• A caseworker that never gave up on us, even when we were close to giving up on ourselves.
• Friends who have given their time, energy and prayers.
• Family who have proven surprisingly supportive.
• A school that is a model of how a school can support kids who have special needs.
• A 10 year old that has opened his heart, and shared his beloved daddy, with two kids who haven’t always been so gracious in return.
• A church that welcomed our kids with open arms.
• An employer that has given more flexibility than I had any right to expect.
• Neighbors who have patiently put up with objects flying over their fence, and screams that have wafted over said fence.
• A God who has caused all things to serve HIS purpose.
• A husband who has always put his wife and family before all else.

Just completed the Parent-Teacher conferences for all three kids, and overall, I’m pleased with how things are going.

N is doing remarkably well, considering that less than a year ago, he was an only child.  The issues he’s now having have nothing to do with the addition of M&L to his life – they’re all about him wanting to do as little work as possible!

M is turning out to be a very bright girl, with one major problem – she doesn’t like following directions.  And unlike her brother, the consensus is that she’s totally capable of following directions, and chooses not to.  How do we know that, you ask?  Her teacher has worked with ADHD kids before, and believes her behavior is totally different.  And when I watch her, its almost as though I can see her brain churning, then landing on a bad decision.  With L, there’s no churn – just action.  So I’m trying to come up with ideas to help prompt M to make good decisions.

For L, there was good news and not-so-good news.  The good news is that he’s doing really well socially.  There’ve been no agressive behaviors, the other kids like him, and even choose him to work with on projects and such.  The not-so-good news is that he’s falling even further behind academically, and its gotten to the point where if his teacher tries to make any more accomadations for him, the kids will REALLY notice, and he’ll stand out for all the wrong reasons.  So the decision was made by his dad and I to have him to to the Resource Center four times a week, for the morning.

Now, I know that there are those who are adamantly opposed to “pull-out” services – that the best interests of the child are served by keeping kids in the least restrictive environment possible, even if it means bringing aides in for support.  But here’s the thing – L thrives in quiet environments that have minimal distractions – the classroom is a naturally stressful place for him.  The Resource Center is going to be much calmer, and I really believe he’ll thrive there.

And its not like he’s not going to be a part of his class anymore. He’ll be with his classmates for recess, and in the afternoon, and any special events.

I hope we’ve made the right decision.  We’re just trying to do whats best for him.

Its not uncommon in families that have adopted older kids to have a time of the year where all the crazy behaviors return or are exacerbated. It tends to coincide with either the times they have experienced the most negative transitions, or when they experienced the greatest trauma.  And unfortunately, its fairly common for that season to be right around the Christmas Holidays (when families are the most stressed).

Just last week, M and L began making some unexpected choices.  M was stealing stuff from school and day care.  L was getting into the pantry and stealing food (including our diet food, which is kinda nasty) – the amazing thing about this is that I still can’t figure out when he was doing this, as we keep the pantry locked most of the time.  M was telling incredibly complex lies – L started lying too, but couldn’t keep it up, so would fold under questioning much more quickly.  And L has been melting down much more frequently, usually over food related stuff.  Finally, we got an email from L’s teacher saying she’s noticed some changes.

Put it all together – the fact that BOTH of them are having a rough time, at the same time – and I think we’ve found our crazy season – the middle of November.  Makes sense.  Three of their moves happened in October and November.  And who knows what else they may have experienced at this time of year before they even entered the system.

Now, our job is to figure out how to help them get through this crazy season.  Stay tuned.