Posts from — July 2010

About a month ago, we admitted L to a residential treatment center (RTC).  This past weekend, we had our first visit.  So many thoughts have been swimming in my mind about our visit, and what follows is my attempt to make sense of it all.

About L

Since taking L to RT, they have weaned him off ALL his medications.  Now, I’m a big proponent of psychotropic meds, but the thing is, we’ve never known L without them.  Not to mention – I had no idea if he’d even be happy to see us – after all, we were the ones who “left” them there.

So when I first saw him, I was overjoyed to have him jump into my arms for possibly the longest hug I’ve ever given him.  And then, as the family went outside to hang out with him, his enthusiasm just thrilled me.  He was articulate, telling us all about the RTC (last time I saw him, he could barely spit out a full sentence).  He told us the names of all the staff and kids (his memory’s never been all that great).  But the most memorable thing was the eye contact.  Eye contact!  L’s kind of famous for not making eye contact, but the whole weekend, when engaging with us, he was looking at us.  Awesome.

He’s also beginning to learning some communication skills.  For example, when pushing him on the swing, I pushed to hard – something that used to set him into a rage.  This time though, he simply said “please don’t do that again”.  Sounds so basic, but it was so awesome.

Of course, it wasn’t all awesome.  There were a couple of times that he didn’t like the direction he was being given, so he started crying.  But even that was new – because in the past, he would have yelled or raged – now, he was simply crying.

And there were plenty of times where he just couldn’t keep focused, and he hasn’t gotten close to beginning to work on his base issues.  To that end, the Director anticipates that L will be there for another 5-7 months, which sounds about right to us.

About the RTC

Having never been to a RTC  before, I had no idea what to expect.

The staff at this place was pretty amazing.  Constantly watching, constantly redirecting, constantly calm.  They were so clear in their communication, and had no fear.  At one point, they even busted my husband for telling a less-than-positive story about L (“positive stories only please”, they said!).

The kids have to ask permission to do everything – and I mean everything.  Want to go potty?  Gotta ask.  Want to talk to someone?  Gotta ask.  Want to brush your teeth? Gotta ask.

And the staff really focuses on keeping the energy level low, to the point where it was kind of freaking me out.  But then I remembered what happens when we’d have L and M go upstairs just to brush their teeth – within seconds, they’d be at each other’s throats.  At this place, there’s about 18 kids like L – so keeping the energy low is essential.

But that leads to some bizarre situations.  For example, there what will forever be known in our family as the “zombie birthday party”.  One of the girls was “celebrating” her birthday, getting to open to presents.  However, the kids had clear instructions to sit still, look only at her, and make no noises.  So as she was opening her presents, there was absolutely no “oohing” or “aahing” over the gifts.  The birthday girl herself barely even cracked a smile – it was truly bizarre.

The Lodging

Fortunately, we were able to stay at the RTC, upstairs in the guest “quarters”.  We’re talking two teeny tiny rooms, with only one functioning window.  And our bed was like some sort of split level, it was so bumpy.  It didn’t help that one of our kids developed a bad case of gas – remember, there was only one functioning window!

The Family

The trip was really hard for M.  Not only because she was seeing her brother for the first time in a month, but also because we were farther from home than we’d ever been.  Her anxiety was through the roof – if she wasn’t occupied every minute, she was a complete wreck.  It got to the point where I had to take her off site on Saturday for about 5 hours.  L was so concerned (another great thing to see) that he tried to give us advice on how to keep her quiet.  Unfortunately, his solution involved putting a pillow over her head , but still, he was honestly trying to be helpful!

M was pretty excited to see L though – at one point, I heard her say “I’m going over here because that’s where L is and he’s my brother”.

I was especially proud of both L and M when we were giving L feedback at the end of the trip.  M said she thought it was great that he never overreacted.  And N said L was great because, well, he’s L!

Final Thoughts

So it was a wild weekend.  So great to see L.  And yet, so hard to see L.  I guess the thing that hit me the most is this.  For the past month, I couldn’t tell you if I missed him or not.  I was so exhausted from all the drama, and so relieved to have some peace and quiet in the house.  But when I first saw him, and he jumped into my arms – I knew I missed him.

It was hard to leave.  But now I know that he’s in great hands, and that there’s hope for him – and our family.