I read about this about a year ago (see this article for more info), and thought it was a crock – yet another way for folks to justify their general life frustrations.

Now, a year later, I’m living it.

That’s right.  I’m struggling with depression.  And I’m pretty certain it has to do with the events of the last year – wait, the last 7 years (which is when the dream of adopting first came to me).

Our lives have been turned upside down.  We were trained extensively, yet trained for nothing.  We’re constantly having to change strategies, change minds, change rules.  There are smells in my house I never expected.  And there are emotions in parenting I was never warned about.

And I’m exhausted.  I’ve been going to bed crazy early, sleeping 10 hours a night – and am just as tired as ever.  Nothing satisfies me.  I eat even when I’m stuffed.  I can’t concentrate.  I can’t serve in any areas.  I can’t even watch TV – if the show requires any emotional involvement (even a silly little sitcom), I can’t watch it.

Normally, PADS occurs within a month or two of the adoption – its been over a year for me.  And I think that’s because I am deeply blessed by a fantastic support network that’s been holding me up for the last year.  But even they can’t hold me forever – now is my time to crash.

And that’s okay.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like being depressed.  But its okay for me to take this time to recover.  To rest, to say “no”, to regroup.

Now of course, my normal mode of attack when there’s a problem is to come up with a plan to rectify said problem.  That’s not gonna work here, as I’m not too good at developing and executing plans right now!

So right now, I’m going to just pick one thing at a time that I can do to take care of myself.  This week, my goal is simply to eat “more” produce (which isn’t saying much, considering the total lack of produce in my diet).  Its a small thing that can help both heal my body and mind.

And of course, I will continue to rely on my husband and friends to provide encouragement and support.  They’ve gotten me this far, and I’m so grateful for their love!