L’s behavior has been spiraling downward pretty dramatically in the last few weeks.  In addition to the running around we’ve had to do to get a therapist, get hold of the psych, talk to the school, etc… its taken a toll on my husband and I emotionally.  The kind of toll where no matter how much you sleep, you still feel tired.

I’m fortunate to have several friends who I can count on for support in these times.  Folks I can say anything to, and who will respond with sympathy and prayers, not judgement. I just got back from lunch with one of those friends, and I’ll tell you, its made a world of difference in my attitude.  I’m still worried and such, but we had a lot of laughs, and now I can focus on those laughs, not the drama.

If you are planning on adopting older children via fost-adopt, take a look at your support system first.  You NEED friends who can make you laugh, pray for you, bring you a meal, or just let you rant.  Don’t tell me your family is enough – you need people who are a little more removed and objective, who can understand your situation while still not being a direct part of it.

I suppose there are folks who do this without a strong network of friends – but I cannot imagine how they do it.  I find my friends essential not only to MY mental health, but to the success of my kids as well.

Today, L had his first playdate.  Ever.  In his life.

Turns out, one of his classmates lives on our street – it took forever for me to get hold of the address, but today, we walked down there just so I could introduce myself to the kid’s mom.

His mom was thrilled to find out that her son had a classmate that lived on the same street, and since she volunteer’s in L’s classroom, she already knew him, and L of course knew her and was comfortable with her.

And instead of a simple introduction, she wanted L to stay and play, promising to bring him home in an hour.

I wish you could have seen the smile on L’s face when he was invited in, and then when he got home.

Hurrah for play dates!

15 years ago, I sat across the table at Mr. Perry’s with a woman who was trying to recruit me to work on a team of hers. On the surface, we were nothing alike; she was married with a child on the way, planning on becoming a stay at home mom; I was single, and couldn’t imagine a life without a job.

Flash forward to today, and Renee is now one of my best friends. And in an unexpected twist, our lives have begun to look very similar. We live within a mile of each other; we are both married; have three kids (both with two boys and one girl); go to the same church; etc.

What does this have to do with an adoption blog? This: we’ve both been through the adoption process: her, international/private, me, domestic/public. Our daughters are within a year of each other. And they have become friends.

Now of course, on one level, I think that’s just too cute for words. On the other hand, I wonder… am I forcing a friendship where one might not exist otherwise? What if they end up hating each other? What if they’re in competing cliques in high school? And then I realize how completely insane I’m being!

More important, I’m so excited that M has a friend who’s also adopted: someone else who doesn’t look just like her parents; someone who has gaps in her history; someone who’ll simply understand what it means to be adopted – how sometimes it doesn’t matter at all, and sometimes its the most important thing in your life.

I know not everyone reading this blog will share my religious beliefs, but I firmly believe that 15 years ago, when Renee needed to recruit one more person to her team, God picked me out of the crowd because He saw what was coming. He saw two women who could support each other through the adoption process, and two little girls who could support each other through their young lives. And He created a friendship that could be inherited by the next generation.