… to relieve the tension in my neck today.

We found out yesterday that L has been flat out lying to us about whether or not he had homework.  He’d get homework from his special-ed class, take it to his regular class, and conveniently leave it there when he left school.  Then tell me he had no homework.

The little turd.

I was ticked.  Irrationally ticked.  Because there’s nothing that sets me off more than being played.  Especially by a 7 year old.  So last night, I had to work SO hard to respond to his actions, but not react.  Because inside, I wanted to kick his butt.  But on the outside, I needed to be calm, confident and loving, even as I was handing out consequences.

Both teachers are now on alert, making sure he knows that THEY know what he’s been up to.  And last night, he had doggy “dooty” as a consequence – and yes, it was raining (hey, that’s what raincoats are for, right?).

But even with all my work, I lost it at one point.  It was just for a second, but still, I lost control of myself.  So then, I spent the rest of the night stressing out over my failure.

Because you know, as a parent of a fost-adopt kid, I feel this sense of responsibility to not screw them up any more than they were when they came to us.  Oh, and to help them heal besides.  That’s a lot of pressure.  And instead of feeling that pressure less and less, I feel it more and more as my love grows for them.

Somehow, I’ve got to relax in my role as a parent – both in the good times and the bad.  I just haven’t figured out how to do that yet.