Since I’m constantly talking about the kids’ meltdowns, I thought I’d talk about my own.

It was during dinner, and I was done.  The “I hate yous” started from L the minute we got home from school.  Everyone was complaining about everything.  Then, when I panicked because the dog had gotten hold of some of L’s meds (because M was messing with them), and now M hated ME. Huh?

The umpteenth time she pointed out that she didn’t want to even sit by me at dinner (her usual spot), I got up and left the table, lay down in bed, and curled up in the fetal position.  If I had had a stuffed animal available, I would have grabbed onto that – instead, I had to settle for a pillow (note to self, buy stuffed animal).

As I lay there, the negative self talk started doing its thing.

I suck at being a mom.

J (my husband) is a much better parent, the kids NEVER tell him they hate him.

How am I going to survive this?

Then there were the thoughts that no mom wants to admit to.  You know, the stuff you know that intellectually makes no sense, still manages to sneak up on you.

I wish I could just smack them right across the room!”

Why can’t I just put a lock on the OUTSIDE of their door…

And finally:

I hope they know how much they hurt me.

Yep, that’s right. I wanted kids who have been traumatized and neglected to feel bad for MY pain.

Finally, my husband came in (after dealing with the rest of dinner and the insanity by himself), and I had a good, loud, cry in his arms. Thank God for his strong, loving arms.

And then I had to survive the rest of the night without any coping tools (you know, candy, ice cream or wine) – we had NOTHING, and were both too exhausted to go get any! (note to self, maintain a permanent, revolving stash of coping tools).

For what its worth – L never really recovered from his negative behaviors, but M did.  She even wrote me a very meaningful apology (which of course, made me start crying all over again!)

Today, I feel like I was hit by a mack truck – I guess its just my body’s response to the stress.  And I’m feeling a little bit like I can start over, as though some painful “reset” button was pressed.

But I still want some ice cream and wine!

Yep, that’s how the day started.  Almost immediately upon getting up, L starts screaming.  Sometimes, just to hear the sound of his own voice.  Sometimes because he’s not happy about something.  Sometimes because you said “good morning”.

Today went to a whole new level though.  Today, he started experimenting with a high pitched squeal that was ear-piercing, and could be heard from one end of the house to the other.  Probably was even audible to the neighbors (I’m not exaggerating).

I honestly don’t know how to handle this.  There’s no rhyme or reason to it.  Its probably related to his ADHD, but then again, maybe not.  Because, as I just realized today, those few mornings when we’ve forgotten to enable the alarm at the end of the hallway, he’s managed to be very quiet as he sneaks into the pantry, fridge, N’s room, etc.

So he IS capable of controlling it.  And he ONLY does it if he has an audience.  But then stops as soon as the meds kick in.

I know, I know, we’ve got him on the wrong meds, and I’ll be working on that with the psych.  But in the meantime – what on earth is this about?  Is there ANY way to control it?  We could try rewards, but he’s not always responsive to rewards and consequences – they tend to just make my husband and I feel better!  We could try giving him the meds while he’s still groggy – but that time frame simply doesn’t exist.  As soon as he’s awake – he’s completely awake.

There’s got to be an answer.  Right?

Yesterday, it rained.

Now your average parent, when it rains, makes sure the kids have their raincoats and sends them on their merry way.  Which I did.

However, my kids have issues with coats.  M and L are very sensitive to how the coat feels, whether its soft or bulky, etc.  And apparently, L decided his coat didn’t make the grade, so he left it in the car.  Oh – also, my kids haven’t quite learned that just because it isn’t raining at just that minute doesn’t mean they’re in the clear for the day.

Fast forward to picking them up from school, and walking from day care to the car.  It started raining.  Hard.  And it was cold.  And L was so overwhelmed by the cold and the rain that he started sobbing.  I mean full on, “its the end of the world” type sobbing.  All the way to the car.  And of course, the harder the sobbed, the slower he walked, which just made it worse.

So in an effort to prevent that from happening again, I made darn sure that THIS morning that they both had appropriate outerwear on.  But now, M started to throw a fit.  Because her coat is a bit bulky, and she HATES how that feels, especially as she’s sitting in the car.  The hood was bothering her, she couldn’t get to the seat belt very easily, and so on.  So now SHE’S inconsolable!

Fost-adopt training never covered outerwear issues!

Oy.  Its 9am, and I’m exhausted.  Why?  Because our daughter, M, had another of her morning meltdowns.

I’ve said this before, but please don’t confuse a meltdown with your standard temper tantrum.  M woke up crying.  She drooled.  She screamed.  She refused to get dressed for school, and when we tried to put her clothes on her ourselves, she kicked them off.  This went on for a full hour.  I ended up taking her to school without her having had any breakfast, or brushing her teeth.

And she’s had 4 of these in the last 7 school days.

So here’s the question – do we push her to get ready (after all, my husband and I do have to go to work, and she does have to go to school), or do we let the meltdown run its course.  Thing is, I don’t know how long that course is!  Would she go on forever?  And does she need the reality check of being forced to get ready?

And another question – how do we force her to get ready?  Clearly, we can’t dress her when she’s like this.  I don’t want to spank her – and even if we did, I don’t think that would help.  Do we take toys away?  Do we give her a consequence when she gets home from school, or is that too far away from the time of the incident?

Do we do the reverse, and basically bribe her to get ready (with nickels, treats, toys, other rewards?).  Yes, its bribery, but is it more important to snap her out of the meltdown, or be “right”?  If we bribe her for getting ready, do we do the same with her brother?

I know, its our crazy season, so I should expect more of these, but still, there’s GOT to be a way to manage them better.